Saturday, May 10, 2014

Health, INDEPENDENCE, Education and THE APARTMENT

I have always told Breonna that what I want for her is:

  • Health
  • Independence
  • Education

HEALTH:
I told Breonna that health is number one, because without health, life is compromised on every level.  Breonna is obese and seriously needs to lose weight, however I have always through she would never get healthy while she is under the control of her family.   The recent visit on Easter proved her family to be food pushers, which is the least of the health issues.

INDEPENDENCE:

Breonna's sister lives in a public housing apartment.   At one time I believe Breonna was number 32 on the waiting list.   Although my hope for Breonna was that she not have to live in public housing, she is number 3 on the list and very excited.

Good!  Yeah!  Although its public housing here we go with some independence!

According to Breonna, here is how the interactions with her family have gone:
   
     Two weeks ago, her mother went back on her promise to give her one of her vehicles so she could attend school, (or just get around for God's sake).   Mother had agreed to sign over the vehicle, father agreed to get new tires, Breonna was going to get brake lights and insurance with an out of the blue child support check.   Mother started making excuses for reasons not to go to the title office.    Continued fall out with the mother who does not want Breonna to go to school or live on her own.  "Get your shit out of here."  Oh boy, that's got to feel good

     Fights with father over moving.   "You are not going to get that apartment!"  (Because I don't want to lose out on the welfare food card that having you claim this address provides me.   YES!  You are a cash register!).  

EDUCATION:
Now bottom line, I truly believe that Hank is better with a full time mommy.   The problem is Breonna's family is so unhealthily dysfunctional, that I actually think for Hank to attend the institutionalized head start problem while Breonna is in school would be a better environment for Hank than with Breonna's mother or father.   Because even when Breonna isn't in school, she is around mother and father.  Yep, I've met some of those very teachers in head start and they were normal.     Sick isn't it.   Dr. Laura would have a field day with this. 


    

Orientation




orientation

Syllabification: o·ri·en·ta·tion
Pronunciation: /ˌôrēənˈtāSHən
  
/




NOUN

  • 1The determination of the relative position of something or someone (especially oneself):the child’s surroundings provide clues to help in orientation
May 8, 2014, scheduled orientation at Central Ohio Technical College for Breonna Hayes, not attended.

Well I give up.  I've paid 3 different college application fees for Breonna and it's obvious she does not want to attend.   Remember the first time we met? She was 14, and she said she was interested in law.   

It's been a long process of encouraging continuing education.   For the past four years my hopes for Breonna have gone from an actual course in education which would lead to a career, to hope against hope that she would only attend only so that she could "orient" herself among other people besides her family.   ANYONE besides her family.   

My thought process has gone from:

    Decide what you want to do and set a course of education
to 
     Start school with just the basics.  You have financial aid for full time classes, so just get started and see how it works out.

to   
     Enroll and get started.  If you miss some classes, fail classes, whatever.  Just get there and meet some actual people.

to
    Screw the financial aid!  Just meet some real people who are not of your family.

ok then:    Just attend orientation!!!

Who does Breonna interact with through her day:   Her mother, Her father, sisters and brothers, and once in a while her sisters neighbor Amber.   Really?   What do we have here:
Drama, drama and more drama.

What is FAIL?

FAIL is "Suck"







Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Baby Daddy, Baby Grandma, Baby Momma, what?

With that first visit, it just so happened that a couple of days before our arrival, Breonna's older sister had twins and we visited in the hospital.

This was the first time I met her sister and her sister's baby daddy, James.   Their son about age 7, was in the room.  The twins were beautiful.

How do I describe my impression of James?  He was thin, seemed to be unbathed, had an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth and he was distant and would not look me in the eye.   I took it that he was overwhelmed with bringing home twins.

A little history, Breonna's family had taken James in a few years back due to some problems with his family.   This is when James and Breonna's sister started dating.

Now at this point I was communicating with my ex, JD's father and his wife Margit.  I don't remember exactly how far from the birth of the twins the affair between James and Breonna's mother came to be exposed.

A couple of months?  Six months later?  

From Margit I heard of the horrible drama.   Can you imagine just having babies and finding out that your mother had been sleeping with the father of your children?   According to Margit there was a LOT of screaming and yelling and sudden severe changes.

Mother did not beg forgiveness, James did not beg forgiveness, they did not hang their heads in shame.  Mother left with James.  

 Mother and James have lived together ever since.

What I didn't know

In 2009 I did not know:

How completely messed up my son would become.  He was high and drinking all the time.   How naive I was to think JD would not buy into everything bad his father had told him about me.










How dysfunctional Breonna's family was.   I did not know that Breonna's mother was having an affair with her oldest daughter's baby daddy.


I could not imagine that I would become completely estranged from my son.  That his overt self was cruel, mean, crude and evil.

I did not realize then that I would become so close to Breonna, so close that I considered her my own.
Just had no inkling that my grandbaby would steal my heart so completely.   That there would be a baby that I would give my life for.   How did I know I could fall so in love with a child again.


In the beginning

2009 was the year I met Breonna Hayes.   She was 14 years old and my hubby bubby and I were visiting my son in Ohio.

My son had gone to live with his father in Ohio.   JD was a senior in high school and he was dating Breonna.

We picked her up at school and I felt drawn to her.   At this point I did not realize that she was my daughter from a past life.

When I asked how her day at school was she said meekly, "OK".

"Just OK," I asked.

"We were made to stand all day as punishment for another student doing something and not confessing." 

"All day?   Every student? Every class?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep"

This conversation was memorable to me.   Breonna was matter of fact and calm in describing what must have been a horrible day at school.   I thought back to how I would have responded when I was 14, full of drama, whine in my voice and slouching in the car seat.   Now Breonna was meeting her boyfriends mother, so maybe she held back.  I still think if it was me there would have been some indication of whine.

Regardless, I was impressed with her.  It was just the beginning, I was starting to fall in  love with a beautiful soul.